After much thought and deliberation it is my considered opinion that Santa should be fired, or a least be given a voluntary retirement package. He’s done a good job over the years, who can deny that, but his time has come and he has reached his expiry date.
Before you get irate over the proposed ending of such a traditional tradition, please consider my reasoning.
1. Santa is overweight, stressed out, and well on the way to a heart-attack
Imagine all the Christmas shopping and wrapping he has to do. Even if the elves manufacture and wrap the toys, he still has to oversee, delegate, deal with human resource issues, fix schedules, do admin, and (I’ve heard) is constantly taken to the CCME (Commission for Conciliation, Mediation and Elves). Santa’s probably depressed. He comes from North Pole and has to work in the extremely hot condition in South Africa, while wearing a weighty beard and heavy red overalls. Santa probably wants to resign any way and get a new job. We’ll just be doing him a favour.
2. Santa gets the credit for all the presents
Each year parents spend so much money on presents and who do you think gets all the credit? This is unfair, immoral and may even be fraudulent.
3. Santa is not politically correct
Santa is an Anglo-Saxon (white) male. He’s not BEE or affirmative action. We’re living in Africa after all – Santa should at least be a black male, possibly even a woman. In today’s world of equal rites and gender equity this is bordering on the illegal and I’m surprised that a complaint has not been lodged at the Human Rights Commission. Santa must be multi-cultural. It’s time for a change.
4. Mrs. Claus wants her husband home for Christmas
Christmas is special because we spend time with family and friends. Mrs. Claus deserves no less and it’s about time we allowed the Clauses to spend Christmas together. At our church we really try to promote the importance of family and spending time together. We would be hypocrites if we didn’t desire the same for the Claus family. How many Christmases has Mrs. Claus not spent alone? Enough is enough. However, my last reason is my chief reason.
4. Santa promotes misunderstanding of what Christmas is all about
Santa generally teaches children (who grow up to be adults) that Christmas is all about being good so we can get presents. The famous song goes like this:
You better watch out you better not shout you better not pout I’m telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town
He knows if you are sleeping He knows if you‘re awake He knows if you’ve been …………bad or good so be good for goodness sake.
This, of course, is terrible theology. Christmas is actually not about being good to get presents, but about God giving bad people, who don’t deserve it, the best possible present. At Christmas we remember that God gave Jesus to die for sinners so that we may be forgiven of our sin and rescued from the wrath of God. We could never be good enough to deserve what God has done for us in Jesus!
Instead of teaching (and singing) bad theology to our children and ourselves, let us remember that each Christmas present should remind us of God’s enormous generosity to undeserving people. If we are parents – rather than threatening our children with no presents unless they are good, let us demonstrate God’s grace by giving our children presents even though they, like us, are bad! Let us remind our friends and our children and grandchildren of God’s gospel of grace.
Perhaps firing Santa is too extreme. The best solution may be to use Christmas to teach good theology.